Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Who i really am? sometimes i wonder,i wonder why i am here?is all because i am different from the other normal people that make me have that thinking?i don't think that i demand for that, is because i feel very disgusted for each and every time people make comments, judges, insult and amuse of my personality. Change maybe is the best remedy, but do they know that it take a lot of hardwork to manupulate that?i have tried many times, it just wont works.
Those fellas were lucky cause they were born to be normal and can enjoy normal life, but izit mean that they could just make fun and judge on the abnormals?do they possess the right?the ans is a big NO!They have no right to do that. I know that they are free to talk anything they want, but do they ever consider that if one day, someone related to them have the same destiny of mine, will they be happy and sometimes, those words will indirectly cause him to lose his life. ALL IS BECAUSE OF HUMANS DESCRIMINATION!
I am still wondering is it that i am in the condition where is worse thanthose wearing earing + tight pants and shirts together with the cosmetic where on their face and high heels?izit that i am worse than that??? is a painful experience for me to receive those soring words from an old friend or relatives. I tolerate and tolerate and i did my best to manupulate myself since form 1, but it seems like useless. Is it true that they see no improvements on me at all?
This makes me to have a sorrowful experience and time, but i guess, no one would ever reliase that?being a happy fella is hard. Sometimes i just hope that i can push away those irritated memories, but reality is kill me. I knew that i cant. Is not that i fully restrict to that matter, sometime i really don't mind on the jokes that they made on me, cause i know. If they take me as a joke that will make them laugh and happy, i really don't mine at all cause they are making the situation to become merrier. Of course there is a limit, maybe they don't realise that they have over the limit but it still hurts.
Hurts = dissapointing parents, blaming on why i have that kind of personality, influence surrounding friends and much more. I wonder that izit forgo those friends who humiliated me is a better way to make myself feel better? but i know, that is the act to hide myself from reality so i din't really practice that.
If they are serious on jeopardizing the relation, cause they could be amused by strangers or their friends, just tell me and u can have what you want. I will try my best to clear u from my memory. Just don't try to hammer a nail into my heart will do. I sincerely request for that. I just want to live happily?izit that hard?izit mean that i must overcome my girlish-nity only i am qualify to be happy? Why must u all make it a serious + sensitive topic for that?can u guys just ingore it?
1:39 AM
